I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
