Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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