I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
