Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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