I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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