I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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