I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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