I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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