smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
