i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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