i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
