My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
