I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
