Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
