If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
