i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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