The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
