lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
