All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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