Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
