Kiss
Puke
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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