scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
