I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
