I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
