I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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