She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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