ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
