I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
