so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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