You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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