I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
that is very illegal...i love you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
