brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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