Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize