Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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