chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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