Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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