how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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