Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
