U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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