There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
