Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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