3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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