i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
