I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
