Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He better not be in your backpack
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
