32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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