i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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