also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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