i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
