My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
