What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
