I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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