now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
