Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
