good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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