I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
