whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
