so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
