lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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