Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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