roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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