Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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