Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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