Moan for me like Helen Keller
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
