he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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