My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
