I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
