i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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