If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked