dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...