I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder