Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
