I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
