I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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