there's paper in my vomit.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
