No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
