I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
