i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
