Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
