ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think i peed on brittanys purse
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
