I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
