So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
